Caroling Saiya-jin Style
by Lady Kav and Sandy Winner
Summary: Vegeta in an attempt to cook, ends up blowing up Capsule Corp. Bulma is forced to rebuild Capsule Corp. and in revenge she makes Vegeta go caroling with the Z Fighters. Vegeta decides to annoy everyone and make them miserable by changing the lyrics. For C


Caroling Saiya-jin Style: Vegeta's Christmas Carols that will make you and the whole family laugh and the Z-fighters cry.  
By Lady Kav and Sandi-chan  
  
Part I Vegeta's Christmas Cheer  
  
Everybody   
Down in the DB world  
Liked Christmas a lot.  
  
But Vegeta   
Who lived in the gravity room of Capsule Corp  
DID NOT!  
  
Vegeta hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season  
Now, please don't ask why. Kakarotto is partially the reason.  
It could be that his wife could never cook just right  
Or it could be, perhaps, his spandex, was on too tight.  
But I think that the most likely reason of all  
Was his body was too sizes to small   
  
The all mighty Prince of Saiya-jins sat in the dimly lit kitchen alone. A fork in his right hand, and a knife in his left. He was faced with one of the worst enemies that ever existed. Worse than Freeza, Cell, Buu, and even Kakarotto. It was something that those pathetic Earthlings called Christmas. Every year the humans would stop working, stop sleeping and stop thinking. They became happy for some weird reason during this cold winter season. It was not the kind of happiness that came from killing an enemy or a third class baka, if it were he wouldn't have minded. Trunks had told him some bald old man with a beard brought revolting Christmas happiness. (After finding this out two years ago, Vegeta had gone straight to Kame House and killed Kamesennin for doing that deed. Unfortunately last year the happiness still came, so it was some other bald guy who brought it.)   
  
This happiness made those humans do crazy things. It made them cut down trees and dress them up in some sort of light-bulb tinsel clothing. It made them go around with other humans screeching nonsensical cheery words. It made them try to poison each other with some foul concoction called fruitcake. Worst of all he couldn't even go near his gravity room this time of year. That stupid onna needed all the electricity to light up the Christmas lights at Capsule Corp.   
  
Vegeta's stomach growled. He was hungry, but he refused to eat that onna's food. Yesterday she had tried to poison him by feeding him some of this "fruit cake." He had experienced more pain after eating that crap than when Gohan, Zarbon, Recoome, Freeza, Android 18, Mirai Trunks, Cell, and Buu had beaten him up.  
  
Finally, Vegeta couldn't take it anymore; he was going to eat even if he had to cook for himself. He had seen that onna do it hundreds of times, so of course he could do it. Besides, maybe he could make some of that fruitcake and feed it to "Kakarotto". A smirk appeared on the Saiya-jin Prince's face. But his first goal was to make something for himself. He rummaged through the cabinet and found a can he liked that said "Pork and Beans". He placed the can in a pot and put it on the stove. He waited 5 minutes but nothing happened. Angry as hell, he fired a ki blast...  
  
Bulma had just finished hanging the last decoration up on the Christmas tree. Tonight she was going to get to see all the Z Fighters again at her Christmas Party. Everything was set and the caterers would arrive 10 minutes before the party would start. She hoped she could fend Vegeta off the food for that long! Smiling she gazed all around the room with pride in her eyes. Everything was just perfect.   
  
Suddenly an explosion was heard from the kitchen. Worried that her 10-year-old son might be playing with the stove again, she rushed towards the kitchen. Another explosion could be heard and the next thing she knew everything that surrounded her was burnt to a crisp. All her hard work was ruined! Her temper rose, as she marched into the remains of kitchen. 'Trunks is going to be grounded for a month! But what else can I expect from a ten year old boy,' she thought to herself. As she stepped into the burned room, she discovered that the cause of this disturbance was not a little boy but a little man. "Baka, what have you done? If you were hungry why didn't you eat the fruitcake? Or you could at least have asked me to cook you something?"  
  
"Are you trying to poison me, onna. You certainly can't cook, so what was I to do? "   
  
Bulma counted to ten and was about to say something when the doorbell rang.   
  
Tien, Chaozu, Piccolo, Krillin, Yamcha, Chi-Chi, Android #18, Puar, Oolong, Trunks, Goten, Mr. Satan, and the Ox King walked into the remains of Capsule Corp led by Goku. They had just finished a round of caroling and were on their way to pick Bulma up for the next round. Goku realized that there was something different about   
Capsule Corp., "What happened to Capsule Corp. Bulma?"  
  
"That baka, burnt it."  
  
They were interrupted by Trunks, "Kaasan, are you coming with us caroling?"  
  
Bulma smirked and knew that this would be the perfect revenge for ruining her work. "No, I'm sorry I can't because I have to rebuild Capsule Corp. in time for the party. But I'm sure your tousan would love to go in my place."  
  
"What are you talking about, onna! I would never go screeching with those low class earthlings. Especially Kakarotto!"  
  
"Vegeta if you don't, I'll use the Pee Pee attack on you!" Bulma replied with a beaming smile.  
  
Vegeta shuddered at the thought of this attack. It was even more powerful than the "fruitcake" one! He had been so hungry two days ago that he had wandered into Bulma's lab and ate a piece of candy that said Pee pee. Little did he know that after eating the candy anyone who said the word Pee pee would cause him to get the runs. Oolong had been the first victim. This technique of weakening your enemies was the fiercest one he had ever known. Damn that onna! "Fine!"  
  
Goku smiled, "Yay Vegeta, this is the perfect event for us to strengthen our friendship!"  
  
Vegeta looked at Kakarotto with a disgusted look on his face. Bulma went to go get the lyrics for the songs. Meanwhile Trunks and Goten were practicing their caroling:  
  
"Jingle Bells, Batman Smells  
Robin laid an egg  
The bat-mobile lost its wheel  
And joker got away"  
  
Vegeta thought to himself, 'This is what those pathetic Earthlings call a carol! They actually go around singing about batmen, robins, and jokers? Anyway why are they worshiping some muscular guy with pointy hair (Vegeta is referring to Batman's cowl) who always wears spandex? If this is how one sounds like, imagine the others!' An ingenious plan came to Vegeta. 'I know I'll change the lyrics! This will be the perfect revenge against that onna and those pathetic Z fighters.' He smirked.  
  
Bulma came back and handed the lyrics for the carols to Goku, but Vegeta intercepted them. "No way am I going to let that third class baka handle these."   
  
Piccolo suggested that they head to Dende's lookout high above the earth and start caroling there because Mr. Popo had a love for carols. All the members of the group, except Vegeta, punched their right hand up in the air and exclaimed, "Yeah!" They all headed towards their destination except Vegeta. When asked why he answered that he had something to do.  
  
Goku gave a typical smile and explained, "Oh, I know! She's already performed the Pee Pee attack on you. Have fun! Meet us there in about...let's see...half an hour. That should be enough time, right? And don't forget to bring the Lyrics!" Then they all flew off to Dende's lookout and Bulma went into the kitchen to assess the damage.  
  
Vegeta growled, but did not say anything. 'While those bakas think I'm in the bathroom, I'll be changing the lyrics to those stupid carols. That way I'll make everyone miserable.' He laughed maniacally and exclaimed, "This will be the best Christmas yet!"  
  
Part II Jingle Bells Kakarotto Smells.  
  
All the Z fighters and family were gathered at Dende's lookout. Mr. Popo was very excited at the thought of being able to here carols. He remembered when Kami used to sing him carols and smiled. Mr. Popo couldn't wait till Vegeta arrived, then the caroling would begin.  
  
Vegeta flew through the sky towards Dende's lookout. He looked down at the "new" lyrics he was carrying. 'These are just perfect, I can't wait to see their faces when they hear them.' He smirked as he landed on the platform and handed out the lyrics to everyone who was there.   
Goku exclaimed, "Let's begin on 1…2…3"  
  
Deck Kakarotto, then I'll be jolly  
Cha la la la cha-la cha-la  
Tis the season to make the Z fighters sorry  
cha la la la cha-la cha-la  
Now I put on my blue spandex apparel  
cha la la la la cha-la cha-la  
Because we all know I am the only one who defeated cell.  
cha la la la cha-la cha-la  
  
Mr. Popo was shocked. How could they do that to his favorite carol, 'Deck the Halls'! He ran to the bathroom and started crying. Dende was not amused and told everyone to never come back to Dende's lookout. He then went to comfort Mr. Popo.  
  
Piccolo was enraged, "Vegeta, why did you change the lyrics! Look what you did to Mr. Popo! I knew he couldn't be trusted with them."  
  
Vegeta smirked, "You baka Namek, these are the lyrics Bulma gave me. It's not my fault that stupid onna had the wrong ones."  
  
Goku came to Vegeta's defense, "Yeah, I'm sure Bulma got the wrong ones. We all know Vegeta couldn't have changed them because he was in the bathroom the whole time! Besides, I like the song because carrots are good to eat!"  
  
Piccolo snorted but did not say anything.   
  
Mr. Satan exclaimed, "Let's go visit Videl and sing to her!"  
  
Chi-Chi replied, "My Gohan is spending Christmas with her, so we can see him   
too."  
  
They all headed towards the Satan Mansion.  
  
Satan City Mansion  
  
Gohan sighed as he and Videl snuggled together on the couch. It was so nice just to have a normal Christmas. He had convinced his mother that Videl and him had to work on a school research project together, so he had to spend Christmas with her. In actuality, the true reason was that he needed to get away from those freaks: neurotic moms who thinks they are married to aliens, three-eyed men, mimes, pointy green ear creatures, hot-looking androids, bald monks, ego maniac trolls, kids with purple hair and most importantly people whose IQ was lower than Bubbles the monkey.   
  
Suddenly their peaceful evening was interrupted as the doorbell rung. Thinking that jolly carolers had come to sing for them they happily opened the door. To their surprise they saw, neurotic moms who thinks they are married to aliens, three-eyed men, mimes, pointy green ear creatures, hot-looking androids, bald monks, ego maniac trolls, kids with purple hair and most importantly people whose IQ was lower than Bubbles the monkey.   
  
Mr. Satan exclaimed, "1..2..3..Go!"  
  
(Tien, Chaozu, Piccolo, Krillin, Yamcha, Chi-Chi, Trunks and Goten)  
  
"Come" Vegeta told me, then he kidnapped Piccolo, Yamcha and Chi-Chi  
pound pound pound pound  
A Saiya-jin Prince to see  
pound pound pound pound  
Our dragon balls we bring  
pound pound pound pound  
So he may destroy that Saiya-jin earthling  
pound pound pound pound pound pound  
So, to serve him  
pound pound pound pound   
When he forced us to come.  
  
(Goku's solo)  
  
Little Prince  
pound pound pound pound  
I am a Saiya-jin too  
pound pound pound pound  
But not as strong as you  
pound pound pound pound  
All I know is how to say moo  
pound pound pound pound pound pound  
Shall I fight you  
pound pound pound pound  
With my son Gohan  
  
The Saiya-jin Prince nodded  
pound pound pound pound  
The Ox king and Mr. Satan kept score  
pound pound pound pound  
I threw my son Gohan at him  
pound pound pound pound pound pound  
but that didn't work so I tried to fight him  
pound pound pound pound  
Then he blasted me  
pound pound pound pound  
Me and My son Gohan  
  
Gohan had a disgusted look on his face when the song ended. It wasn't the content of the song that bothered him. From the smirk on Vegeta's face, he knew Vegeta changed the lyrics to glorify himself. The song was surprisingly true. He knew that if offered the chance his father wouldn't hesitate to make his own son fight for him, like when he threw Gohan at Cell during the cell game to replace him. His dad probably had the IQ of a cow. Angry that his peaceful Christmas had been ruined, he slammed the door on the faces of the group.  
  
Goku exclaimed, "I guess Bulma gave us the wrong lyrics again! Oh well!"  
  
Vegeta stated, "I say we should go back to Capsule Corp. and sing for her!"  
  
Goku smiled and said, "You are a very kind person, Vegeta"  
  
Vegeta smirked and said, "You'll see how kind I am, Kakarotto. You'll see."  
  
Goku came up to him and hugged him, "You see this event has strengthened our friendship. We should do this every year."  
  
Vegeta pushed Kakarotto off of him and headed back to Capsule Corp.  
  
Part III Vegeta Finally finds his Christmas Spirit  
  
Capsule Corporation  
  
Bulma smiled! She couldn't believe how beautiful Capsule Corp. looked. 'I hope that baka Vegeta had a miserable time tonight! He deserved it. Now all I have to do is wait for the caterers who should be coming any minute.' The doorbell rung, but instead of seeing the caterers she saw all her friends, her husband, and son.  
  
Vegeta said, "And now the best for last. 1...2...3."  
  
Jingle Bells, Kakarotto Smells   
Piccolo laid an egg  
That onna of mine Bulma can't cook a meal   
And Chaozu and Tien are Gay  
  
Tien and Chaozu: Hey!!!!!!!!  
  
Jingle Bells, Kakarotto Smells   
Piccolo laid an egg  
That onna of mine Bulma can't cook a meal   
And Chaozu and Tien are Gay  
  
Goku exclaimed, "That's a good thing. As Kamesennin always used to say, "The stronger you get the stronger you smell," before he was mysteriously killed two years ago. (Bonus points if you can guess which episode in season 2 this dubbed quote was from)  
  
Piccolo cried, "That's impossible. Dende's the only Namek here and he's too young for me."  
  
Chaozu calmly stated, "Tien and I are not officially gay. We're just living with each other for now."  
  
Bulma yelled, "If you think my cooking is so awful, why don't we all try yours." She stormed into the kitchen and came back with the burnt slop of Vegeta's attempt of cooking in her hands.   
  
Piccolo was the first to try and the first to die (Bonus points if you can guess which DBZ dubbed special this is from).   
  
Krillin, Yamcha, Tien, Chaozu and Goku all tried it and collapsed in agonizing pain.  
  
"Uh…Goten, I know you are always hungry like your father, but I wouldn't try that if I were you." Trunks said. "You know how bad kaasan's cooking is, just think how bad tousan's will be."  
  
Vegeta smiled. This Christmas caroling turned out to be fun. His songs made people miserable, well except Kakarotto who was pleased that he was in every song. His cooking made all the Z-fighters die. How fun it was to watch those pathetic earthlings die in agony. He should have served Buu some of his cooking, then watched him explode. He saw that amazon woman Chi-Chi coming at him with a rolling pin and decided it was time to leave. Let those foolish onnas (Bulma, Chi-chi and Android 18) collect the dragon balls and wish everyone back. He was going to spend Christmas in the most wonderful place on earth: The Gravity Room.  
  
Happy Holidays to every DBZ fan, everyone at the Temple of Trunks and every person in the DB world from Lady Kav and Sandi-chan.   
  
Everybody 1…2…3  
  
Jingle Bells, Kakarotto Smells   
Piccolo laid an egg  
That onna of mine Bulma can't cook a meal   
And Chaozu and Tien are Gay  
  
Tien and Chaozu: Hey!!!!!!!!  
  
Jingle Bells, Kakarotto Smells   
Piccolo laid an egg  
That onna of mine Bulma can't cook a meal   
And Chaozu and Tien are Gay  
  
  
  



End file.
